Tuesday, May 11, 2010

How To Kill Your Husband - The Classic Snake Concept

What is of utmost importance for the murderer is not getting caught. Nobody who has used the method I recommend has ever being even suspected of murder.

Why murder the husband? You may be asking. Well there are many reasons, starting from abuse to boring to infidelity to just plain annoying.

The srilankan girls are trained from a very young age to murder and the the boys are trained to be victims. Daughters are taught to cook while the sons are pampered.

How to

Being a good srilankan wife is the weapon. That's the beauty of it. That's how nobody ever gets caught. They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Everybody thinks it means that men fall in love with women who can cook well. That's rubbish. When has a man ever given an attractive and smart woman a cookery test?

Stomach and Heart

The connection between stomach and heart is real.
Be a good wife the way your mother and grandmother taught you.
Cook good food for every meal and cake and pastry for tea time. Prepare your husband'd favourite dishes.
Very soon you will see the results of your loving care.
Your husband will resemble the teddy bear you loved as a kid.
Best of all you can be sure that there is fat clogging his arteries and there is fat around his organs impeding their functions.
You can look forward to heart decease and diabetes.
In the end you can't save him even if you wanted to.

The Classic Snake Analogy

Snake (classic) is a game on my mobile. The snake in it is stupid I mean intellectually challenged and helpless. It lives inside a rectangular space surrounded by a stone wall. Left on it's own it bangs his head on the wall shakes it's head in confusion and dies within 4 seconds. The object of game is to feed the snake as much as possible while saving him from collision. The snake grows longer as it eats and eventually it's not possible to save it. It's actually sad when the snake you nurtured dies.

This is exactly what happens with in a lankan marriage. The wife feeds husband to get points. Husband eats whatever put in front of him. The wife knows that the quantity of food the husband consumes in inversely proportionate to his lifespan but keeps on feeding the husband. She makes a fuss when the husband has a bit of dessert at parties as if thats what made him fat not the all the feeding she has been doing over the years. It's only to cover up her murderous tracks.

Getting Away With Murder

When the husband dies an early death everybody sympathises with the wife. She is praised for being a caring and loving wife. An aunty of mine rubbed oil on her husbands chest instead of calling an ambulance or doctor when the husband complained of chest pain. The husband had been a heart patient for years so she should have known better. The husband died within hours but nobody blamed the wife.

Go Ahead

If you look around you can see lots of men with big bellies. They are being murdered slowly but surely by their loving wives.
So go ahead kill your husband. You can start by making his favourite dessert. He will love you for it.